Longdick Crusades

Return to Herid
Session 1

Mitchem, Jarek, Drew, Trey, Riley, and Chris

  • Met King finally inside the castle walls

    • Name: Vaughn (pussy)
  • Randell is a bitch

    • Killed himself
  •  Guard comes into mess hall and asks for help on the wall

    • Pockets of fighting pass wall
    • We are going to kill things
    •  <u>Whorricane</u><u> Katrina dies </u>

      • Got infected (ghoul AIDS), paralyzed, and bleeding out
      • “May she suck dick in the afterlife” – Jarek
    • Trey – “Crusader strike this bitch”

      • “Fuck” – Trey after he crit failed – Bane of Perseus
      • Trey falls in love with an undead ghost
      • Crit fail – Trey fucks Jarek
      • Trey finally kills something – last turn
    •  Cheem takes one for the team

      • Crit fail – sick
      • Crit fail – face plant (stunned)
      • I have an issue and need a tissue
      • Saved riley
    • Drew scorched the undead’s penises and killed them

      •  Touched the ghost again and made it disappear
      • Finally hit something and kills something
    • Riley got paralyzed and getting triple penetrated

      • Fell in love with ghost  
      • Gets up and gets fucked

        • Get punched back to sleep ( paralyzed) – double penetrated now
    • Chris finally joins the fight after the rest of the party is dead and/or dying

      • Rocking the electric Triangle and sings  
      • “Come at me bitch” (28 AC during an attack of opportunity)
      •  Ass Shot
    • Jarek smash

      • “Grog can here” – Grog
      • NATTY 20 (almost)
      • Paralyzed and issues
    • Patty is bad ass with metal arm (Bucky)

      • Patty is cheating
      • Patty is still cheating
      • Smash
      • Crit Fail – great sword gets thrown away
    • Kills

      • Drew – 3
      • Jerek – 2
      • Chris – 1
      • Patty – 2
  • Retreat to castle

    • Meet the new characters (assholes)
  • Go met with minister to talk about cave where king’s son died

    • Help with the Zombie problem
    • Get the king of the of the castle and city
  • Run up to kings chambers to get king out of city
  • Cheem stabs minister in attempt to take the Kingdom

    • Cheem

      • Fucked up
      • Minister calls a brown bear to fuck Cheem in the ass – Sir Bearington
      • Passed on floor
      • Becomes a slave to the Minister
    • Riley

      • Runs away like a Pussy
    • Trey

      • Fucks Cheem up (Cheem loses half health in one blow)
    • Drew

      • Fucks Cheem up (Fire ball)
      • Saves Cheem
  • Drew rushes the king out of his chambers
  • Trey picks up Cheem and carries him out
  • The party decides to sneak the king and the noble out of the city with the all the remaining guards in the castle

    • Cheem is no longer in the Longdicks
    • Contracts re-worked
    • “Peasant will suffer” – Patty
  • We met Chris and jerek
  • We are leaving at first light to head to the Harbor to get on a boat to get the king to safety
  • Patty bends Cheem over backwards and fucks the shit out of him
  • Cheem is killed by Minister

    • Only to be reincarnated as the Minister’s un-earthly Bitch
    • Reborn as Abed the Kobold
  • Riley contracts Ghoul fever

    • Riley seeks help from a Witch Healer
  • Jarek seeks the same help that riley does
View
The Road So Far
  • The Mercenary company "The Longdicks" was enlisted by the king of Herid, Vaughn Baines to find the court magician who had stolen something from the castle
  • The team left the city and headed towards the woods

    • After an encounter or two, ended up in a cave inhabited by undead monsters

      • Found the magician, who killed himself in a fiery explosion
      • Found the son of the king, throat slit in front of a mirrored altar
  • The group returned to the city, encountering some bears

    • While traveling, ran into several thousands of people heading away from the city
    • Party was stopped at the city gates by guards letting no-one in or out
  • Convinced the guards to let them into the city, gates closing behind them
  • The party weaved its way through a city overrun by horrid undead

    • Made their way to the gates of the castle, guarded by Yuri and other castle guards

      • Yuri died
    • Successfully defended the city gates against a horde of undead, were allowed into the castle
  • Party rested, in anticipation of meeting the king in the morning.
View

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.