Longdick Crusades

Return to Herid

Session 1

Mitchem, Jarek, Drew, Trey, Riley, and Chris

  • Met King finally inside the castle walls

    • Name: Vaughn (pussy)
  • Randell is a bitch

    • Killed himself
  •  Guard comes into mess hall and asks for help on the wall

    • Pockets of fighting pass wall
    • We are going to kill things
    •  <u>Whorricane</u><u> Katrina dies </u>

      • Got infected (ghoul AIDS), paralyzed, and bleeding out
      • “May she suck dick in the afterlife” – Jarek
    • Trey – “Crusader strike this bitch”

      • “Fuck” – Trey after he crit failed – Bane of Perseus
      • Trey falls in love with an undead ghost
      • Crit fail – Trey fucks Jarek
      • Trey finally kills something – last turn
    •  Cheem takes one for the team

      • Crit fail – sick
      • Crit fail – face plant (stunned)
      • I have an issue and need a tissue
      • Saved riley
    • Drew scorched the undead’s penises and killed them

      •  Touched the ghost again and made it disappear
      • Finally hit something and kills something
    • Riley got paralyzed and getting triple penetrated

      • Fell in love with ghost  
      • Gets up and gets fucked

        • Get punched back to sleep ( paralyzed) – double penetrated now
    • Chris finally joins the fight after the rest of the party is dead and/or dying

      • Rocking the electric Triangle and sings  
      • “Come at me bitch” (28 AC during an attack of opportunity)
      •  Ass Shot
    • Jarek smash

      • “Grog can here” – Grog
      • NATTY 20 (almost)
      • Paralyzed and issues
    • Patty is bad ass with metal arm (Bucky)

      • Patty is cheating
      • Patty is still cheating
      • Smash
      • Crit Fail – great sword gets thrown away
    • Kills

      • Drew – 3
      • Jerek – 2
      • Chris – 1
      • Patty – 2
  • Retreat to castle

    • Meet the new characters (assholes)
  • Go met with minister to talk about cave where king’s son died

    • Help with the Zombie problem
    • Get the king of the of the castle and city
  • Run up to kings chambers to get king out of city
  • Cheem stabs minister in attempt to take the Kingdom

    • Cheem

      • Fucked up
      • Minister calls a brown bear to fuck Cheem in the ass – Sir Bearington
      • Passed on floor
      • Becomes a slave to the Minister
    • Riley

      • Runs away like a Pussy
    • Trey

      • Fucks Cheem up (Cheem loses half health in one blow)
    • Drew

      • Fucks Cheem up (Fire ball)
      • Saves Cheem
  • Drew rushes the king out of his chambers
  • Trey picks up Cheem and carries him out
  • The party decides to sneak the king and the noble out of the city with the all the remaining guards in the castle

    • Cheem is no longer in the Longdicks
    • Contracts re-worked
    • “Peasant will suffer” – Patty
  • We met Chris and jerek
  • We are leaving at first light to head to the Harbor to get on a boat to get the king to safety
  • Patty bends Cheem over backwards and fucks the shit out of him
  • Cheem is killed by Minister

    • Only to be reincarnated as the Minister’s un-earthly Bitch
    • Reborn as Abed the Kobold
  • Riley contracts Ghoul fever

    • Riley seeks help from a Witch Healer
  • Jarek seeks the same help that riley does

Comments

Biskmatar

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